For many couples this sudden realization that that you’ve crossed the sex/sleep threshold is a mark that your relationship is now in a permanent downward spiral and the only thing that’s left is shuffling through Costco together like a pair of consumerist zombies looking for a bulk discount on everything that you’re going to be using to fill the void that was your relationship.
The death of passion in a long-term relationship is one of the biggest killers of relationships because we associate it with being bored.
Other options might include taking a girls (or guy’s) night out to go party and flirt with strangers, a trip to a strip club or even social dancing where switching partners is expected (such as in swing dancing) can get you charged up…
before you head home with your honey and tear each other’s clothes off.
One of the things that makes long-term monogamy incredibly difficult is that our bodies literally work against our best intentions; the dopamine spike from sex with the same partner decreases over time but spikes with a new one. That’s why the sexual encounters in the early stages of a relationship are firestorms of excitement that culminate in orgasms that blow the top of your head off: your body is reacting to the novelty of a new partner, and settles down as you become more familiar with one another. we get a little bored, even when we have an intense partner as well as greater sexual satisfaction.
Not only are both partners benefiting from the increased dopamine incurred from having new sex partners, but they’re taking advantage of a quirk of our primate ancestry known as sperm competition.
It’s an entirely natural part of settling into a relationship; the initial honeymoon period fades and what was intense and exciting becomes calmer and placid.However, adding a new female rat instantly revived the male, who would proceed to immediately mate with the new female.