It’s called ‘social infertility’ and it’s affecting a huge number of women in their 30s and 40s in the UK.
1 in 5 women in the UK born in the 1960s has turned 45 without having had a child – some by choice but many by circumstance, this is double what it was a generation ago.
And whatever piece of brilliant advice it is that you think you’ve got for your single friend, your daughter, your sister or your colleague – just don’t.
Only for this week if that’s all you can manage, but preferably never again.
The fact of having never been married or in the kind of long-term partnership in which the opportunity to try for a baby arose, seems to be a their stories because they don’t feel ‘entitled’ to their pain, grief and despair compared to those women who’ve suffered miscarriages, failed to conceive or who have experienced unsuccessful IVF.
For me, once I accepted that I was never going to be a mother, I lost interest in dating for a few years.The ticking clock of babymania feels more like a bomb when you’re living through it as a Double Whammy.You’ve heard every piece of advice, countless times.Yet, for some women this is not a situation they chose, but rather one that they’ve ended up in because they’ve made intelligent, honourable choices and behaved with decency and morality towards others.
Many of them have cared for vulnerable family members through their fertile years, have refrained from getting pregnant ‘accidentally’ without a partner’s consent and have worked hard as members of their families, workplaces and communities and have contributed to society as taxpayers.
The great thing about being out the other side of my grief and rocking my Plan B is that there’s no hurry anymore.