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I was excited to see some great conversation happening in the comments of my piece “The Top Three Mistakes Men Make in Online Dating.” Both men and women shared their experiences with online dating and debated over the mistakes and fixes I offered in the piece. How do you reconcile a trillion different preferences in order to offer men advice on what to do to be successful with online dating? All I can do is set some parameters and offer my advice based on my own experiences and hope that it helps at least a few guys out there.

Throughout it all, what became most apparent during the discussion is that men didn’t want a “don’t” list. What they really want is some advice on what I hesitated to even write this piece because what people like is far more subjective than what people don’t like. To that end, this is my list “to do’s” for people (yes, people, not just men) who are trying to find a long-term partner using an online dating site:1.

I liked messages that were personal but not creepy personal, like the messages in which men would describe in gross detail how we’d live our lives together based on what they read in my profile.

There’s something to be said about keeping your introductory message brief and casual.

Don’t you both deserve to have your profiles read carefully and thoroughly?

After all, if online dating profiles are a part of the whole online dating process, why skip that step?

Offline or online, dating is flat out hard, but remember you’re still a worthy mate for someone out there.

You just need to have the patience to find that person, wherever they are.10.

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And just like you, those people are trying to communicate to you and the rest of their potential mates what they bring to the relationship table.For those who put some real thought into their profiles, there’s some really valuable information there.7.

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