I now knew there were donors willing to become known to children when they turned 18.This suddenly felt like the most important thing I could do for my child. Once I narrowed the search to open donors, I waded through physical characteristics and donor essays.I can give him essays to read, photos to look at, details about medical and physical traits and characteristics, but not much else.There may come a day when my son wants to know more. Still, there’s a bit of comfort in knowing things are “open.” There are long stretches of time that go by where I hardly ever think about the man who helped make my son.When Aminah Hart chose a sperm donor during her fertility treatment, all she knew was that he was “happy and healthy.” She was yet to learn that those simple words described not only her IVF baby’s father but her future husband.For Hart, a London-born Australian, later met her sperm donor and, she has revealed, the couple are now married.His natural curiosity is part of his internal machinery that is running nonstop.
With the first donor, I relied a lot on notes in the “Staff Impressions” section. As much as I found selecting a sperm donor similar to finding a date online, this choice would be a FOREVER choice. As soon as that feeling firmly landed in my head, I knew I needed to find another donor. I maneuvered through the donor search engines with amazing speed. (Shame, shame on me.) He had a science background but also expressed interest in the arts. I used him for five tries and each time I thought it was going to work. When selecting the third sperm donor, I went a very different route.
Shortly after my son was born, I began taking him to visit my grandmother at the nursing home nearly every day.
As soon as we reached the Alzheimer’s and dementia floor, I would take him out of his carrier and cradle him so he could be seen.
I looked at long profiles that featured photos of the donor as a child and as an adult. I remember reading his essay and then clicking to his profile image and thinking simply, “It’s you.” Something about his face felt logical and right.
I didn’t mind that he wasn’t super tall; I had height.
The “recipe” probably wasn’t something even considered.