But that’s because we know attraction works differently for men and women, and men and women use the site differently.
For a man to get a woman’s attention online, he really has to be the complete package: the photos, the message, the follow-up, he has to ask for her number at the right time — not so early that it’s weird, not so late that she’s moved on to someone else.
I know a thing or two about online dating — I went on my first online date maybe 20 years ago. And we break out the women by archetypes as well: say girl next door, or more cosmopolitan, or trouble — Wait, you literally have an archetype called “trouble”?
I was talking to a girl in an AOL chatroom and we went for ice cream, to Baskin Robbins. Yeah, well — if a woman has dozens of pictures on her profile of her drinking 40s, you probably wouldn’t approach her the same way you’d approach a woman who says she’s “family first.” I definitely want to talk more about the way PDA sees women.
When people meet, that initial messaging will be completely forgotten. Yeah, but whenever you meet somebody on a first date, he’s trying to put his best foot forward. But even if they’re different, the in-person chemistry will trump everything. So you’re basically arguing that this sort of disconnect is inherent in online dating, or even the human condition in general — it has nothing to do with whether a third party is doing some of the dating for you. To quote the New York Times’ Stephanie Rosenbloom, “research shows that lying is partly a result of tension between the desire to be truthful and the desire to put one’s best face forward. Innuendo is okay, but if you’re too direct it comes across as off-putting, and men tend to do that a lot. Because what if you have a guy who really is a participant?
So profiles often describe an idealized self; one with qualities they intend to develop (i.e., “I scuba dive”) or things they once had (i.e., a job).”] In that spirit, can you give me some pro tips for online-daters? We also tell people not to get too into consumer culture — and I know you’re a culture blogger! How do you market people who just, by virtue of their personality, go against all the rules and conventional wisdom of online dating?
So even as a 15-year-old, I thought online dating was basically the coolest thing ever. The system is kind of based on my experience over the years, and my experience helping friends. Because that has, of course, been one of the early criticisms of your service — that you offer online-dating help for men, but not women.
We find there are some keywords that seem to get a response from women — “gentleman,” for instance. Right, we don’t currently offer services for women.
(For instance, a career-motivated guy is apparently a “provider,” while career-minded women are “vanilla.”) As a lady, that bothers me. Are we getting that comparison because we’re effective at what we do? We distinguish between “women” and “attractive women,” because they behave completely differently on the sites. alright, so let’s say I’m a young man and I want to use your service. It’s also a bit of a strategy session — we kind of make a game plan, figure out if the client is more casual or serious, and choose dating sites based on that.
You need to look candid, maybe look away from the camera — the “1,000-yard stare” is really effective. Anyway, then we start messaging from the client’s account.
This has been the most controversial point, I think, because people misunderstand what we’re doing — there’s this impression that we’re presenting people as something they’re not. We’re there to signal interest and get contact information. That more significant connection will come in-person — in-person chemistry trumps all. The person you meet can’t possibly match the profile, because the profile is — I don’t want to say fictionalized — but certainly idealized in a way the actual client is not. Whether you have a professional help you or not, that online and in-person impression can be different. [A note: This actually echoes social science research on online dating in general, which has found that lying is not only widespread, but necessary.
Now, in what may mark either the high or low point for the Internet as a communications medium, a company called Personal Dating Assistants is offering not only to tell you how to online date, but to do it for you — for a price, of course.
PDA’s homepage is dominated by a photo of high-heeled, mini-dressed women with porn-star simpers on their faces.
A guy can’t afford to make mistakes with the ones who are in high demand. And then we’re also trying to come to an understanding of who he is, really pull out his strengths.