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Inheriting £80 million doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart... Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. Is it just me or does this rag smell like chloroform? Lauren suggests “setting the stage” with a quick call or flirty text that will make your partner really look forward to talking with you.

Lauren says to draw out your words using soft whispers and sprinkle in a few playful sighs here and there while you’re talking.

I want to tell them I have found a Sight of outstanding natural beauty. My friend thinks you're hot, and if it's any consolation so do I. Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite, would you like a shag?

I don't suppose you know the number for the Ordinance survey?

You're like a cappuccino: hot, sweet, and you make me nervous. Keep it quiet - but I'm COMPLETELY naked under these clothes.

You smell like Fritos, that's why I'm giving you this hungry stare - you're so hot you're gonna melt the elastic in my underwear. You know how Spotify free is like, SO GOOD until you hit an ad and inevitably hand over your credit card number for premium?

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