On the one hand, because you're such a protective and loving mom, you probably want to barricade the front door and not let that person within 10 feet of your precious girl (believe me, when I've heard girls in workshops talk about bad news boyfriends or mean friends, I've felt the exact same way! But at the same time, you don't want to go too far and drive a wedge between the two of you. When I received this question from a Huff Post reader, it took me back to two particular times when my own mom and I were facing this issue.The first time had to do with a close girlfriend, and the other involved a toxic ex-boyfriend (whom she and everyone else who loved me tried every which way to get me to walk away from).You want to talk to her about this guy, but you have to do it in a way that doesn’t drive her further into his arms and out of your reach.Discuss your expectations with your daughter, but make it about her and not her bad boyfriend.She was flaky and would often cancel plans that I'd been looking forward to, but I had so much fun with her and felt like she really 'got' me in a way that no other friend ever had before." What is it that your daughter likes/loves about this person?While your instincts about him or her may not be wrong, you may not know the full picture.These bad boys often are dangerous and inappropriate, but they turn out to be sweet guys by the end.
I wish she had just come out and asked me what she wanted to know." And moms, while getting what you need to bring you some ease and clarity, I have heard firsthand how this can shed new light for both of you.My mom and I have always had an amazing closeness -- we can share almost anything -- but I'll admit these were two times that we had some serious tension between us.If you're reading this, I'm guessing you know exactly the kind of tension I'm talking about!For example, if she is dating someone you don't like, remind her of the rules in your household and the consequences that go with them, but do not use the boyfriend as an example.
Tell her you expect her to be home by her curfew every night, lying is not permitted, grades must be maintained, and her behavior must be respectful and polite at all times.There's no one-size-fits-all answer; every situation is different, and only you can know which approach is right for your specific dynamic.