To have a friend I could enjoy being with, with the added benefit of sex.’‘It is fashionable, at the moment, to try to take the intimacy out of sex, to see it as a no-strings pleasure that can be picked up and put down at will,’ she says. It’s a lesson that 24-year-old Evie Moore has learned the hard way.She has had several Friends With Benefits, but says she has decided to draw a line under them because she feels they are hindering her from being in a committed relationship.‘All the moments you enjoy in a friendship — feeling relaxed in their company, not caring what you look like, baring your soul in the pub, admitting to all kinds of disasters and having a good laugh — are complicated if you start sleeping together.Yet intimacy has a profound effect on the emotions, which can be very confusing, especially for women.’‘Men, however, are biologically programmed to sow their seed and seem able to disconnect emotionally from sex in a way that women cannot.So friends with benefits relationships are often more emotionally confusing and upsetting for women.’‘We meet up every couple of weeks, go for a drink or see a film.They see each other and sleep together until one of them meets someone else, at which point the physical side of their friendship stops. ‘But we started teasing each other and there was definitely a spark between us.’‘One moment we are all lovey-dovey, the next we’re messing about like pals.When we first met, I think Doug was more into me than I was into him, but now the situation has reversed and I don’t know where I stand.
For a growing number of young women, sleeping with a friend is no longer a taboo but a lifestyle choice.
She is an example of how confounding it can be to shift from a platonic relationship to a sexual one.
To be clear, by ‘no strings’ she means they are both free to pursue relationships with other people.
The purpose of their meetings is purely physical, and neither harbours any expectation of commitment from the other person.‘I think I am more jealous of his other relationships than he is of mine, but we both know the score.
I tell myself I want him to be happy and meet the right girl, but when he’s dating I get confused about my feelings.Doug says he respects me too much to lie to me and just isn’t ready to commit to a relationship.’So this is hardly a no-strings-attached arrangement.